“Today, in our field, there is so much talent and recognition that we are reaching a saturation point. An artist should no longer strive only for breathtaking craftsmanship; he should, instead, try to help us live better, either by dressing the wounds that are constantly being opened by society, or by offering solutions to get us out of the mess we’re in…But it’s going to be difficult and we have a lot of work to do.” - Jean 'Moebius' Giraud

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

MACHINE MAN_90 minutes



L.A. traffic is bonkers. It's gotten to the point now where I'm yelling at the top of my lungs, in my own car, "I WANT TO BLOW YOU UP!"

That exclamation has saved my sanity on multiple occasions. Initially, it was only intended towards the mentally deficient drivers who did everything they can to kill as many people (as well as themselves) during their daily suicidal romp on the parking lot that is the 405 Freeway. But eventually, I just started to yell it at traffic as an entity.

I really do want to blow up ALL of traffic. And the humor is in my delivery. Trust me - it's hilarious.

The saving grace is that while driving at a speed where I can practically walk faster than the cars on the road, I'm *really* able to appreciate the intricacies and subtle nuances of the other drivers and morning commuters around me. You know: the nose pickers, the hard core radio karaoke singers, the handful of individuals who are crying (*NOTE: I'm of two minds on this one. 1) "Oh, my gosh...I hope everything with her/him is okay. Ugh, I feel terrible thinking that they're already having such a miserable day this early in the morning. Or, 2) HAHAHAAH! Dooood! I can *SO* see you crying! Don't even try to wipe those tears from your face! Stop it! You look *SO* awesome! HAHAHAH!), and the masturbationists - I love them all. Well, maybe not that last fella'.



Also, I get to stare at annoying vanity license plates. Here's a hint for you, California: keep it simple. If I've gotta bust out the DaVinci Code cryptex and the aid of world-renowned symbologist ROBERT LANGDON in order to cypher out what ever ridiculous statement you wanted to make about yourself with your plates, you've fallen miserably short of the spirit of license plate personalization. As an example, and I didn't see this, but a friend of mine told me about it and my brain actually farted after he told me what it meant. Have you heard of those SPECIAL INTEREST icons that you can put on license plates these days? Sometimes it's a heart, sometimes it's a...uhm...star (?) - they all benefit specific charities, foundations and organizations I believe. Anyway, here's what my friend saw:

"(hand icon)IBLNME"

Anyone care to take I guess? I had nothing. And more importantly, I didn't care to suss it out for myself. So, here's the answer:

"STOP EYE-BALLIN' ME"
.

Yeah.... yeah.... seriously? Seriously. The icing on top is that the car in question is one of those new-fangled SMART CARS and it had Lakers flags sticking out the top and sides. "Stop eye-ballin' me". High five, fellow Californian.

P.S. - if you're reading this blog and this is your car, I'm not saying that you're a ridiculous person. I'm saying your license plate is ridiculous. I'm saying that your clown car, along with its seasonal bright yellow flags, cries for the attention you're trying to dissuade and almost forces those around you to gawk and stare regardless of what your windtalker message says. Don't take it personally; it's only my opinion (I've got "The Devil Wears Prada" movie on a continuous loop as I type this, so that should give you insight on the mind that's bombing on your plates and car. Take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt).



And finally: bumper stickers. "My child is an Honor Roll Student!", "Kiss me - I'm Irish!", "If you can read this, you're TOO f*cking close!" - all of them are classics. But I guess, much like license plates, there's always some guy out there wanting to think outside the box. And don't get me wrong; I applaud that wholly. But sometimes... sometimes....[sigh]



Enjoy your week, everyone. Oh, and heed the words above: the next time you are in your rocket ship and ready for blast-off, don't forget to bring your crucifix.

6 comments:

Tom said...

Fantastic sketch, great rant!

Ming said...

What a way to start the day: awesome new sketches and hilarious rant. Do you also have the phenomenon called 'Traffic Flirting?' You scout the nearby drivers, and when you see something interesting, you take a small whiteboard or something else to write on, and exchange stimulating messages and phone numbers. We even had a cheap television show about it!

Sketch has a great contra-dynamic going on, with the two half-circles. My only crit would be that I had some trouble figuring out the big guy's face.

j_ay said...

Such a cool drawing, damn!

Just remember: "nobody walks in LA"

jojo said...

haha, that car was so stupid cuz it was written with a hand then iblnme and i couldn't figure it out. its a pet peeve of mine when personalized license plates aren't easily read. i hated that car! have a great trip!! see you when you get back

Odon said...

Don't get me started on religion. I'd carry stickers around that say "Think for yourself!" and plaster them on top of other people's stickers but I'm afraid to get caught...

Awesome to see you back man. Rock on!

markhavenbritt said...

I'd love to see one of these timed drawings develop. Maybe set up a video camera and capture a minute here and there.

Anyhoo. Awesome stuff as always!